March 2010
27 posts
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Fuckers
Last night I learned that ABC has absolutely no respect for its viewing audience.
Seriously, I hope someone gets fired for that, and I hope that someone has like two kids in college and a third in high school and spends the rest of his or her (but, come on, his) life regretting the fact that he fucked with “Lost” on behalf of a show no one likes or cares about.
-andy
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Hiatus Alert
Today I learned to never say “love” or “never”.
And on that note, I’m going to be taking a retroactive hiatus from the blog until April 12th at the latest. Sorry: slammed, working, avoiding; take your pick, they’re all viable excuses. Until that date, please enjoy Andy’s contributions, and failing that, this picture of a Paul Blart-inspired photoshopped...
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What Other Kids Were Reading While I Was Reading...
Tonight I learned that I should have been paying way more attention to Kurt Vonnegut.
Read the whole thing while I try to figure out why, for a reasonably bright kid, I’m so culturally illiterate.
-andy
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What I’m Listening To, Pt. 5
“Fields Shorelines...
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Sorry, but I did learn this stuff today
At least one of us is keeping with the blog’s original intent: recording things we learned so we don’t forget that we learned them.
-andy
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What I’m Listening To, Pt. 4
“Wave a White Flag...
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There are no more heroes
Today I learned that Texas Rangers manager Ron Washington tested positive for cocaine last season.
The more time you spend in whatever world you inhabit — politics, sports, music, business — the more you realize that there are no heroes, at least not in the Ancient Greek sense. You wind up meeting the people you knew before you actually knew them, and you realize they’re just...
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What I’m Listening To, Pt. 2
“Lion Eats the...
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What I’m Listening To, Pt. 1
“It Was...
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More like DayFRIGHT SLAVings CRIME
Tonight I learned that daylight savings time is responsible for the deaths of tens of millions of unborn babies.
Or whatever. I didn’t read the linked article. I’m too cranky. It’s 1:11 AM, I slept late this morning, I may never get to bed, I have to go to work in like 45 minutes, I forgot to do my laundry and therefore have a limited selection of clean socks, etc. etc. I...
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Crab Canon in H-Exploding Minor
Today’s post is going to require patience and alcohol. Be prepared. You need to view the whole thing the same way you need to relax your brain if you want to make those Magic Eye 3D things work (remember those?!). I swear, having written this paragraph first and being completely unable to make promises, the whole thing is best viewed from afar. Afar, afar, avast! I say!
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Today I checked out my bank account and learned...
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Ask me about my mortality panic
This happened last Saturday.
Frank and I were going to the Diner to get lunch. This is the sort of thing I like to do on Saturdays. Didn’t really have any plans for the day, didn’t really have any concerns, didn’t really have much on my mind. Sunny day, pleasant.
I walked out of my house with a load of dry cleaning, dropped it off at the place around the corner, and we...
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When People Stop Being Polite
Today I learned that in rural China, the primary cause of death in women between the ages of 15 and 34 is suicide.
I know that what we write here trends towards whimsy (if not outright comedy), and self-discovery. In an attempt to pad the stats, I’m guilty of taking even mundane facts and spinning them into essays of, again either personal relevance or the quirks of the universe.
The...
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Thanks, Technology
I wrote a very thougtful and somewhat well-written article today that had a lot of clickable links and a picture (three actually) that helped to punctuate some points, break up others and provide visual stimulation to what can be an often needlessly verbose weblog. Then Firefox crashed with the whole thing being about 80% done.
Usually my anger at something like this would cause me to write a...
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Sundays
I don’t know if this is necessarily kosher (by the rules that we established and are in charge of enforcing), but I spent a fair amount of time this afternoon thinking about Diggy’s blerng.
I’ve never had a problem with Saturdays — but I’ve never been any good at Sundays.
Part of it, of course, is genetic. Recently, I was at my parents’ house and noticed my...
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Cram it, Saturn!
Today I learned I’ll never do enough or relax enough to feel like I spent my Saturday in the correct way. Ya know when Arthur Dent said “I never could get the hang of Thursdays?”, Or how the Tenth Doctor was distrustful of Sundays? Me and Saturday are like oil and oranges.
It’s a weird sort of day, really. It kinda reminds me of how I still get excited when Summer is...
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What Andy Learned In February
February is always a weird month. It’s only 2-3 days shorter than other months, but somehow it feels like it always flies by. Maybe that’s because January and March are so different. When the month began, my world was a snowy mess. And now, it’s practically spring. I’m already getting that fluttery, jittery feeling — that urge to go outside and run around even...
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What Diggy Learned in February
or “Time and Relative Dimensions in Cyberspace”
Firstly let me apologize to no one in particular for the tardiness (TARDIS-ness) of this post, but it only goes to further a point. These monthly catch-all articles are pretty tough when compared to the daily ones we do, if only because those can be whimsical and spur-of-the-moment, and these have to have, ya know…a well thought...
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You Aren't What You Eat
So years ago, when I first read about Alan Moore’s Swamp Thing, I learned about these things called Planarian worms, which the book uses to describe the titular monsters’ origins. It goes something like this: years ago, scientists found that you could train a Planarian to run a maze correctly, which is pretty astonishing to begin with because they’re fucking worms, and I...
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Cheating, pt. 3
I had tried to cheat and put something up as a time-stamped place holder for another article. I’ve done it before, and never got around to finishing that one either, so we’re gonna move that one to tonight, and this is me time-traveling by a couple days and rewriting history. Like all attempts to re-write history, it will bring forth the unforeseen consequence of becoming boring rather...
